


Chamomile (Frollo's Saga)

by Cummunistgulfer



Category: The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Victorian, American History, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Brain Damage, Choose Your Own Adventure, Choose Your Own Character, Coffee, Coffee Shops, Comfort Food, Donuts, Episode: s01e13 Le Morte D'Arthur, Episode: s02e17 Coup d'Etat, FIFA Ballon d'Or, Fast Cars, Fast Food, Food Kink, Food Poisoning, Food Porn, Food Sex, Food as a Metaphor for Love, France (Country), French Kissing, Gay Sex, Gibson (Dunkirk) Lives, Hurt d'Artagnan, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry Victor Hugo, Inspired by Nakitai Watashi wa Neko wo Kaburu | A Whisker Away, Interspecies Relationship(s), McDonald's, Mobius (Sonic the Hedgehog), Movie: Z-O-M-B-I-E-S 1 (Disney Movie), Multi, New York City, Omega Kim Taehyung | V, Original Character Death(s), Post-Episode: s01e13 Le Morte D'Arthur, Post-Game(s), Sex, Sharing a Bed, Snacks & Snack Food, Sonic Forces, Tea, The Joye of Snacks (Discworld), Threesome - F/F/M, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Undercover as a Couple, Vaginal Sex, Victor Hugo Pastiche, Victorian, Wolf Instincts, 茶
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24186535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cummunistgulfer/pseuds/Cummunistgulfer
Summary: One day in New York city Frollo's life is turned upside down when he encounters a really Irish Gpysy! He hates all gypsys and he thinks this one is different, except this one turns out to be kind of hot?? Can Frito accept his prejudice and accept love for the first time?
Relationships: Esméralda | Esmeralda/Claude Frollo, Phoebus de Châteaupers/Claude Frollo
Comments: 9
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Chap 1**  
  
 **Frollo gets boner!1**  
  
1 day in the middle of New York city Frollo was reading from the holy scriptures. When suddently...A GYSPY GIRL APPEREAD!  
  
'Omg are you like a gyspy?" roared Frollo  
  
"Yeah lol" she replied. She looked like a gyspy, but her skin looked like she was thrown into an oven and burned rather then a normal person.  
  
"OMFG!" Frollo exploded! "Youz not allowed in my church!"  
  
But the gypsy didn't care. And like the bitch she was she started dancing on the poles, right in the house of god! She even had her loser bell insturment thing! Frollo got so MAD!111 that he punched her right in the feces!  
  
"Like omfg what was that for?" Said the bitch. She sounded like a stupid Irish person rather then a normal person.  
  
"You dance like slut in the house of god!" Roared Frollo like a hose attached to a fire hydrant and it doesn't work. So the kids inside the house just burn alive. "Now I make you into me BITCH!"  
  
"Like, seriously? Said the really Irish gypsy.  
  
The memebers of the church found this all so exciting. In fact none of them even left to go take a big smelly poop, which is what they normally do when things start to get boring. Sometimes it would smell so bad that Frollo would have to wear a nose ring while trying to give his sermon. So he ended up sounding more british rather then the true american he was.  
  
"Yes lol" Said Frollo. "Now youz better go make me my chamomile tea! And then after that we will make sex!" You see, Chamomile tea always made Frollo really horny, in fact in made him so much, that just the thought of it made his INCREDIBLE penis grow ten inches. Frolloz was old, but his penis was like a baby penis, because he rubbed chamomile tea on it to make it fresh and young. And ripe for sex making  
  
So the Gyssy danced like a slut to the kitchen and microwaved water (she is a gyspy, she does everything WRONG!) and even went as far as to use LIPTON brand tea. Lipton brand was an instant turn off to Frollo. And when he saw that, he exploded!  
  
LIPTON? ROARED FROLLO AND HE GOT SO MAD THAT HE RIPPED THE GIRLS HEAD OFF HER SHOULDERS AND PUT IT BACK ON. HE BRAIN STEM WAS HANGING OUT OF THE SIDE OF HER HEAD BUT SHE COULD STILL TALK.  
  
Frrolos dick shrck back in horror as soon as he saw the tea bag. It was like it was saying "OMFG NO!" Lipton brand made frollo's dick get instant AIDS and die. So he would have to pay millions of dollars in shots and shit to get it fixed. Frollo turned to the slutty Irish girl's brain stem and roared right in her face to make her a new pot of tea. Something that will get him prime and ready for sex.  
  
So the stupid bitch went back into the kitchen and brewed a new pot of tea. Frollo threw off his clothes in front of everyone and it was sexy to everyone. Mom's even let their children watch. Because after all, they needed to know god was a lie at some point. And that they really came from their daddy's DICKS.  
  
So Frollo rubbed tea on his dick and it popped like a weasel. Then Frollo stuck his penis into her brain stem. It was like the most sensitive part of her body, but it also felt like Frollo was murdering her. But instead of with a gun or a knife it was with his penis. So he put his penis around her brain stem and jumped rope with her brain stem and his own dick. Frollo picked up her brain stem and combed his pubic hair with it. It was a secert but he was really concerend with the shape of his pubic hari. One time he even craved jesus into his pubic hair. And every barber in the world was so impressed they wanted him to be featured in vogue. But Frollo was a high class man and demanded to be featured in playgirl instead. So he got featured in playgirl in denmark and it was sexy to everyone.  
  
So Frollo got tired from sexing her brain stem and went to sleep in the midle of the church floor. The really Irish gyspy's brain stem repaired itself and wouldn't you know it, her head went right back into place. It was like she was tails from the sonic games, only hotter and less furry.  
  
So everyone left church and it was a memoriable day for everyone. Children talked about how they can't wait to lose their head too. Some even decapated themselves right there. It was so sexy.


	2. Frollo eats bread!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frollo eats bread and shits his guts out!!

The next morning friloo woke up and looked at his dick. It was still swollen and beautiful from the night before. Frollo stroked his dick like a meatball "Hush little one" frollo cooed softly, like a god damn baby that won't shut the hell up. "That really Irish gypsty will torture us no longer."

Frollo got out of bed and combed his pubic hair. Not even bothering to comb his normal hair. He turned it into all kinds of crazy shapes like baby Jesus and Virgin Mary before eventually deciding that it was an Ezikel kind of day. Ezikel reminded him of bread which was cool because it reminded him of breakfast. Which also reminded him of vagina because he often ate pussy for breakfast. And even though Frollo was a holy man he loved to be reminded of vagina like a thriteen year old boy in heat. Sometimes he even ate bread just to be reminded of vagina. And when this happened frollo would sensualy chow down on that french onion loaf with as much passion as Dr. King deleving his I have a dream speech. Only with more crumbs and onion and less guns and killing. Sometimes Frollo wished that guns and killing was involved too. Sometimes Frollo wished he could just destroy all of America.

Finally Frollo was done dreaming about that breakfast (aren;t you glad that is over with?) and decided it was actually time to eat breakfast. Mondays were slow days in the church, the only people who showed up to church on a Monday were crack heads and Frollo wished them all to an early grave. Except for one crack head who he wished that he would become a suicide bomber because he kind of looked liked those abi-dabi. And kind of like the really Irish gypsy too.

Finally when Frollo was done complaning about abi dabis he went into the church breakfast quarters and feasted on twenty five loaves of bread. Frollo was a firm bealiver in carbs making his dick firm and strong when suddenly the gypsy appeared again!

"OMG" say Frollo like a train full of swords "I thought I killed you LOL?"

"Like what?" Said the really Irish gypsy like one of those dumb ass blondes at Starbucks "No I don't die, you said you make me into your bitch so here I am LOL"

Frollo become so enraged, like when you ask for French fries at Burger King and they give you onion rings instead. But they just keep fucking up your order so you get a chicken sandwich instead. "Wow!" said Frollo "I thought ripping off your head would of killed you for sure. it seems I have no choice but to deliever the package into your chimey if you know what I mean" Frollo began sensually humping the hair, like a teen loser at prom. The really Irish gypsy was shocked! She became so MAD! That she slapped Frollo across the face!

"LIKE OMG NO WAY" she screamed like roach "I am not fucking that slimey old man dick again!" The thought of fucking Frollo's dick made every inch of her vagina scream in horror, sometimes when she thought about it her uterus even fell out

And wouldn't you know it? In between the Really Irish Gypy's legs her uterus fell out and slapped the floor with a loud "THUMP" like spaggeti-o's in the can. Frollo stared, memsrized about it looked really good for a ball of blood and cells. It even included a few strands of pubic hair which was extra erotic to Frollo He stared hard, so hard that his eyeball fell out and landed with a loud DOINK!  
"Well" Said the really Irish GYPSTY "You look like Obama now LOL"

Frollo became so MADD! THAT HE GRABBED HER UTERUS AND TOOK A BIG BITE!

"OMG" THE GYPSY SCREAMED SHOCKED THAT SHE WAS BEING EATEN ALIVE" "LIKE WHAT LOL?"

BUT FROLLO COULDN'T STOP! with grace he revealed his glorious penis that was so long that she had to duck over it perfomed sexual intercourse on her uterus! The gypsy screamed! And Frollo squeezed and caressed her uterinal wall like it was a teddy bear. Suddenly Frollo became so HORNY! That he begain to floss his teeth with her uterus which left him with a very healthy and red smile. He loved her uterus like a stripper loves her pole and kissed it tenderaly like he was appreciating a fine cup of tea, The really irish gypsy was screaming like she was an opera! Fnally Frollo decided it was time to finish fucking her uterus and sprayed semen all over like he was a fire hydrate it even made the same hissing sound as he was emptying his loud! The gypsy drank all the semen that she could and legend says her teeth became two shades brighter that day.

The really Irish Gypsy was putting her uterus away when suddently! FETUS APPREAD!

"WHO GOES THERE?" Screamed Frollo embrassed to be caught with his pants down like a cat caught pooping.

"OMG FETUS!" Screamed the gypsy. "It's my boyfriend!"

Suddenly Frollo was face to face with a tall, blonde gentleman

"The plot has arrived" Said Fetus


	3. Vaginal Living Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frollo and Fetus discover treasure deep in the Irish Gpysys under smile!!

Frollo stared and stared at Fetus, like a rapid dog who really wanted some beggin strips, but instead of beggin' strips it got milkbone so the dog bit the owner in the ass.

"Like OMG" snarled Frollo, surprised to see a full grown man falling out of the Really Irish gpysy's vagina. It was like her vagina was a trap door into a secret dungion, but instead of gulliotnees and machietes, there were men and furry stuff. "how long have you been living in her vagina?"

Fetus combed the vagina slime out of his hair and continued,

"Well back in my day a man only really had two choices when it came to a vagina." Fetus explained in an explaining way "you could either do sex to it or admire it or sometimes do sex to it while admiring it. but I figured a man needs to explore new frontiers, how many times can we look at that same piece of chewed ham from the outside? Or that lovely liverwurst surprise from pages of Playdeacon magazine? My friend I needed go further. Somewhere where no man has gone before"

Fetus got real close to Frollo's ear, like he was about to tell him a secret "The vagina" whispered Fetus

Frollo gasped!

"But surely that cannot be!" Said Frollo, "There must be other factors!"

"Impossible!" Said Fetus! "Armed with this knowledge and a year's supply of lube I selected the most suitible host, a loose woman with no morals and with the beauty of a cow. I sprayed the lube onto my hand and began digging, and digging until soon enough I reached the vaginal living room. It was in that moment I began to move my furniture in too, the TV the coach and even the DVD player, pretty soon I had established a whole colony, my friend take a look, there is a whole new world in here."

Frollo hestated, he regretted eating so much bread for breakfast because now his stomach was knot, in fact his stomach hurt so bad it was like the world's loudest drum was hitting his in the stomach, with no other opinion Frollo knelt down on the ground pulled up his robe and took an enmorus shit, the shit was so big it was like a cockraoch pregrent with more shits but instead of shit he was literally pulling whole loaves of bread out of his butthole, after he done he rubbed his poor sore ass and handed the gpsy a fork and told her to eat it.

Fetus glanced around the room, confused about what he just saw, the really Irish gpsy chimed in and said "Don't worry LOL he does this all the time!" and chowed down on the bread in a happy way.

Finally when Frollo was done shitting, he wiped his ass on the wall and turned towards Fetus and said "Take me to the vaginal living room." Fetus nodded, understanding his request.

Fetus pulled out a bottle of KY out of his back pocket and the really irish gypsy laid on the ground and opened her legs. Fetus rubbed so much KY on her vagina she looked like a storm cloud, and her labia was the lighting bolt, with her vagina positibly drenched and ready to go Fetus turned towards Frollo and said "come on in LOL!"

With all of his strength Frollo wedged himself into the really Irish Gypsy's vagina he was not expecting to be surprised but he was! That was because there was lights and decor and lots of cool places inside like Dunkin Donuts. It was a secret but Frollo was quite the Dunkin man, he was a fan of their premium coffee and slightly stale donuts that made him feel like the true American he was. Often he chowed down on that ham and cheese breakfast wrap until that one day he ate so many breakfast wraps that he gained so much weight and died. All of the sudden he found himself a ghost looking down at his own dead body and three hundred pounds heavier then he had been before eating too many pixie sticks. But Frollo, quite the fighter decided it wasn't time to be dead yet and haunted medical staff by saying scary things like "boo" and "OH YEAH!" Until they revived him, and that was cool because he wasn't ready to be dead yet. he still had so much to do, like see a vaginal living room.

Fetus lead Frollo to the Dunkin' Donuts parking lot where a cool sports car was parked, Frollo knew it was a car because it looked just like a car with cool lights and even a bumper too!

"Hop on it!" Fetus told him

Frollo without even questioning how a car was inside of a vagina hopped in and Fetus drove.

Fetus talked so much Frollo wondered when the hell he was going to shut the fuck up. He just rattled on and on about nothing it was like listening to your grandpa talk, don't you hate that? The city was alive with lights and activity, all of the sudden a big yellow sign caught Frollo's attention

"SPLASH ZONE! WATCH YOUR HEAD!"

"Spalsh zone?" Frodo questioned like a stupid child

Without even time to get his question answered, a thick vicious liquid began to pour on his head like when a teen loser pours the Mrs. Butterworth's bottle like an idiot ass and too much syrup comes out so your pancakes are drenched and soggy.

And that is exactly how Frollo felt because all of the sudden vaginal fluid was raining on his head and he ruied the nice clothes he got from the store, Frollo cried! "OMG WHAT IS THIS?" cried Frollo, unable to conprehend what was going on

"quit your bitching" Said Fetus tried of Frollo's shit, the whole trip he had just been bitching and bitching it was like lsitening to your wife nag you about picking up that cereal bowl you had the ground for a week. Why does it matter so much anyway? It only had one bug in it and it could of sat on the floor for longer but she just wouldn't shut the hell up.

Finally Frollo heard the words he never thought he hear

"We are here" Fetus said

Frollo could hardly believe his eyes!


	4. Chapter four: Dunkin' Lovin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dunkin' Donuts makes me hot too!!

Chapter 4:

Dunkin' Lovin'

Far, far in the inside the really Irish Gypsy's vagina, Fetus finally parked his car. Frollo thought to himself "about time." Frollo kept it to himself but the way Fetus drove reminded him of those stupid French men more concerned about getting that next slice of baguette then driving a cool sports car. Frollo thanked his lucky stars that he wasn't one of those stupid French men and instead smoked ciagrattes and drove a cool truck like the true American he was.

"we have arrived LOL!" Said Fetus like an excited gay boy, "What do you think?" Fetus said, looking to Frollo with a look of pride radiating off his face, like the time he ate twenty hot dogs at the state fair.

"Well..." said Frollo, he looked around, it was really big inside for a vagina and he too be honest he wasn't expecting much but the vagina was actually tastefully decorated with wallpaper and a cool shag carpet that was dark colored, Dunkin' Donuts cups literated the place like two mice on vacation, seeing Dunkin' instantly brought relief to Froyo because he was a patriotit man who ran on Dunkin' upon seeing this Froyo knew he could trust Fetus.  
"I love it LOL!" said Frollo, excited to finally have someone as cool as himself in his life. It was a secret but Frollo was tired of being the coolest person he knew, it was like having to do a constant work out at the gym, but instead of working on his ass or biceps he was working on his penis. Frollo knew that his Penis was the coolest thing about him, it even had a name "Stan" Stan had enough personality for ten Frollo's though.

"Great!" Said Fetus "I was concoerned you would think I was a filthy slop LOL I haven't had time to clean the place much but why don't you sit on the coach, We can watch a movie on this cool new DVD player I got on the outside."

So Frollo sat on the coach, really close to Fetus but they weren:t gay or anything so get your filthy mind out of the gutter, Frollo looked around the room and couldn't help but notice Fetus's porns thrown carelessly across the room like a kid playing basketball, Frollo thought it was so cool how his mom just him put porn anywhere he wanted to! Frollo instantly wished he could have a mom as cool as that. But his mom was alwasy nagging him about being a good priest when really all Frollo wanted was to look at the porn and do sex to unwilling girls , was that too much to ask?

Finally Frollo was done bitching to myself and Fetus put on a cool movie that full of all kind of American things like guns shooting and cars exploding and even people getting decapated! When these scenes came on Frollo laughed so hard that his Dunkin' shot out of his nose and hit Fetus sqare in the face, Fetus stared at Frollo, positivly drenched head to toe in premium Dunkin' coffee. Frollo got rock hard!

And that is what happened beacause before Fetus even had time to blink Frollo leapt onto him like a rapid squireel hungry for corn nuts but instead of corn nuts it was Fetus's grand gentials, Frollo ripped Fetu's pants of the strengh of ten thousand little girls and looked at Fetus's beautiful gentatlia that was black like that banana I left on the counter for too long looking at Fetus's banana dick made Frolloz really hungry and before Fetus could react Frollo took a big bite!

"OMG! SCREAMED FETUS LIKE A BITCH DICK "YOU BIT MY DICK LOL LIKE WHAT?" But frollo didn't care! And with the speed of sound Frollo reveled Stan like the queen on prom night and pushed his glrious dick into Fetus's bite mark! Fetus screamed sex noises! And Frollo messed around with his dick and balls like he was trying to get the high score on Pac-Man but instead of Pac-Man it was sex, so it was sexy, Fetus finally getting into the swing of things but still surprised to be doing sex all the sudden, pushed his glorious man boobs into Frollo's face and yelled "Suck out my Dunkin' Donuts creamer!" And Frollo sucked on his boobs like he was appreciating the finest milk from his prized cow bessie.

Finally they both got so sexy, that Frollo found an old, moldy Dunkin' Donut under the coach sofa and smered it all over Fetus's body and ripped gentials, Frollo slowly licked the crumbs off, scavening his body like a vulture looking for road kill but instead of road kill it was dick crumbs. This went on for hours! Finally Frollo looked towards Fetus and said "I am about to make my Boston Cream, get ready!" and Fetus smiled in such a happy way.

Finally they rreached a moment of such incrediable love that Frollo's penis ejaculated it sprayed so much semen it was like a storm cloud roaring through the summer evening, but instaead of rain it was semen and Semen created such a river that they were now going down it like a water slide!  
"OMG" said Frollo, still naked "We are going down the slide LOL!"

And it all happened so fast! All at the speed of light the really Irish Gypsys' vagina filled up witha g allon of boston cream which left the two love birds sliding through her at the speed of light, Frollo held Fetus's hand unaware of what was going to happen next.

"We are about to exit the vagina!" screamed Fetus, his voice still a little horase from sexy time.

"Is it going to hurt?" said Frollo, really scared all of the sudden, like the time his Call of Duty record was threated by some punk in Russia

"I don't know" said Fetus, really scared also.

All of the sudden a light at the end of the tunnel was visable to them.


	5. Chapter five: Frollo is born!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frollo is free from the cave!!

This was crazy! Frollo and Fetus at the speed of sound were going down the semen slide like two pork chops dropped out of the hands of a clumsy chef, they were going down so fast Frollo swore that the sound barrier broke and that is what it felt like because going down the semen slide felt like sliding down a slide of made of broken glass. Frollo looked at his poor chopped up ass and thought "I hope I don't bleed to death LOL!" because Frollo didn't want to die for a second time.  
To Fetus going down the semen slide reminded him of that time he tried to swollow too much peanut butter and his espogis nearly closed up, he just laid on the ground choking to death while passerbys just kicked him on the ground angry that he was blocking New York traffic. I mean honestly how dare he just lay there and die like that? I'm trying to get to work!  
Finally before they knew it a light was visable to them, it was glorious like the 2 for $20 deal at applebee's, Frollo grabbed Fetus's hand and screamed "I think we about to be born LOL!" it all was happening so fast, Frollo wasn't sure he was ready to be born yet, I mean the world was full of scary things like light bills and parking tickets. How was he going to handle those things? He was too young! The light became closer and closer until finally it was so blinding it was like the Earth had three suns and each sun was a vagina. Frollo grabbed Fetus's strong hand and gripped it tight.  
"Here it comes!" said Fetus until finally they hit a strong wall that they were stuck to like bubblegum on a shoe that some idiot ass throws onto the street. Using there god like strength and a little bit of love power they both pushed against the wall as hard as they could until it started to crumble like a saltine cracker in a bowl of soup. It was so crazy like the time Frollo got an F on that math paper because the teacher was totally out to get him. To this day the pathgraium therium still gives Frollo the shits.  
Meanwhile on the outside The Really Irish Gypsy felt something push against her stomach hard, like a Christmas ham pushing on her colon, but instead of a ham it was a baby.  
The gpsy said "here we go again LOL!" and laid down on the ground and opened her legs, she had lost track of how many times she had pushed Fetus out of her now but she estimated it to be about sixteen because of this she was very experienced in pushing adult men out of her snatch like a panda at the zoo.  
And wouldn,t you know it? As soon as the Really Irish Gpsy opened her legs it was like Hurricane Katrina ravaging the church all of the sudden gallons and gallons of boston cream poured out her vagina like a sexy waterfall in space. The gpysy got so turned out by this she screamed "OH YEAH!!!" which only intensified her cumming powers, because she was a Gpssy she had super human cumming powers which only the truest of the truest gpysy's possessed which is also why Frito hated them because he was totally jealous.  
And wouldn' you know it? Out out feet first came Frollo followed shortly after by Fetus  
"OMG!" screamed Frollo, surprised having to be born for the second time. "I'm alive!"  
Fetus shook himself off like a wet dog playing in a mud puddle and said "me too!"  
All of the sudden the Gpsy gasped!  
"What is it WHORE?" said Frollo, really annoyed like the time when three children died at his church and he had to pay a lawsuit.  
"FRITO!" THE GPSY YELLED! "YOUR PENIS...IT'S MISSING!!"  
Frollo gasped!


	6. Chapter six: Frolloz penis??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On no! Stan is missing!! Enter panic mode!!

Chapter 6

Frolloz penis?

The room was silent, so silent you swear you could have heard a dog take a shit. Frito stared at the really irish gays really hard, like he was trying to study that dog taking a shit, but instead of taking a shit he was perplexed because his penis was missing. It was like he was in a spy flick.

"Y..You you witch!" Frollo screamed, like the time he had a big loogie caught in his throat. "What did you do with Stan?"

"I don't know lol" said the gpsy. "Maybe you were born again as a girl"

But Frollo could not accept this! All of the sudden Frollo took out his big fist and hit the gpysy so hard her lungs came out of her throat! And out of the gpsys severed lungs came a treasure chest. The treasure chest looked like a big brown box with parts. Frollo and Fetus stared hard.

"Omg!" Sceamed Fetus, all of the sudden remembering a thing. "The legends are true!"

"What legends?" said Frollo, confused like the time his penis was missing, which was right now.

"Well," said Fetus in an explaining way. All of the sudden the room became really blurry, like a flash back scene in a movie. When this happened, Fetus knew it was time to explain. "Once every one thousand years, a Dunkin' Donuts guzzling slut is selected to hold a treasure chest containing a quest in her disgusting body. It starts like normal, a man moves in her living room, finds the chest, and all of the sudden POOF! His penis is missing. When this happens, the man goes on a daring quest to retrieve it. Frollo! You are the chosen one!"

Frollo was shocked! Like the time he asked for onions on his burger and got pickles instead. "OMG!" Screamed Frollo, like a mouthful of bees. All of this chosen one stuff was really stroking his ego, it was like he was stroking his penis but instead of his penis he was stroking his brain stem, because his penis was missing so he couldn't stroke that. Despite that Frollo still grabbed a hold of his empty sack and gave it a good stroke for good luck. "Just you wait Stan" he whispered to his empty genitals, softly like a baby bird on the sidewalk.

"Yes lol." said Fetus, all of the sudden the room stopped being blurry, which was a relief because it was making Frollo feel sick, like the time he drank a whole quart of high C. "Quickly Frollo! Open the chest!"

Thank god Fetus was done talking, all of this exposition dump was making Frollo angry, like the time his girlfriend in high school denied his sex offer. He knew he was practically the epitome of sex appeal, and when his girlfriend denied his crazy idea of using biscuits in their sex routine, he was so angry that he poured hot oil on her back, like he was frying a shrimp and ate her remains. To this day Frollo has not gotten over his cannibals cravings.

So after Fetus was finally done talking they walked over the chest and opened it. Inside was a map.

"This is it! The map of legend lol" Fetus said so loud that it made the really irish gpysy's lungs move three feet, but she was still okay.

"Where do I have to go?" Frollo said, feeling real confident and cool from this chosen one stuff, he always knew he was practically the greatest most wonderful person EVER, and this just proved it.

"Well...lol" said Fetus, his voice shaky, like a Friby. "According to the map, we must travel to Salt Lake City, Utah"

Upon hearing the word "Utah" Frollo grew so angry!

"UTAH?" FROLLO SCREAMED SO HARD "Why would Stan be there?" Frollo was so confused and angry and afraid of things. Utah was practally America's armpit. The smell of cow shit was enough to send anyone into overdrive. Frollo could not bear the thought of having to go there, it was like being in high school and getting caught in the mall with your mom. Frollo did not want to risk his cool image for one second.

"Yes lol" replied Fetus "according to the map, your penis is currently located in a Moman church, where it is being worshipped as the second coming of Joseph Smith, Frito! Do you know what this means?"

"What lol?" replied Frollo, confused like the time he found out his mom was not his real mom.

"It means you have ascended into godhood!"

At that moment, like Jesus was watching over them, a heavently glow began to cast on Frollo, it was radient and beautiful like the perfect peanut butter cookie out of the oven. Out of his back a pair of angel wings began to sprout from his back! Frollo sceamed in horror as blood and feathers begin to fall all over the place like a confetti at a birthday party, who knew becoming a god was so painful?

"CHOSEN ONE!" A voice boomed from above, like rap music out of a teenagers car.

"I AM HERE GOD, LOL" Answered Frollo

"COMPLETE YOUR QUEST MY CHILD, AND YOU SHALL BE REWARDED"

"WITH UNLIMITED DUNKIN' DONUTS?" replied Frollo, real hopeful, like on Christmas morning.

"Yes, lol we also have that in heaven, get out of here with that Frappuccioo shit lol" replied god, who was actually a cool guy.

"Wait a minute," said Frollo, suddently thinking of a thing. "The really Irish gpysy's vagina...was heaven?"

"yes lol" replied god "Can you think of anything more heavenly then the tight embrace of a vagina?"

"I sure can't!" LOL! Fetus chimed in, really happy to be back in the story again.

"My child, journey to Utah. You will find Stan there, and perhaps something more that you seek."

And with that, just like a boomering, god was gone again, a dust cloud went inside the really Irish Gpsys's vagina and disappered.

"God is a cool guy, lol" said Frollo.

"Yeah him and I hang out on the weekends." Said Fetus, finally happy to have some cool points rewarded to him. "Now..shall we get started?"

"Let's" said Frollo god.


	7. Piss Wave Attack??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lemonade!

Being a god was so fucking annoying! First of all, Frito barley had anytime to drink his premium dunkin’ donuts coffee, people asking him for money and shit all day long made his coffee by cold by the end of his shift, and worst of all Stan was still missing! It had been six months since Frollos became god of everything and the search fro stan just kind of died off. Fetus packed his bags, saying he would be back and he just had to buy a pack of cigarrtes first, but never returned. The really Irish gpysy hung around the church whoring up the place like teen losers on Panama City Beach, except instead of snorting meth and jumping off hotel ledges she was wiping her bagina on the chuch walls and playing Desert Bus. Sometimes, the church would smell so bad, that Frollo would have to fight off angry Asians, desperate to go to the newest fish market. Asians were weird though and smelled bad, so using his god strength, he was able to crush them like a peanut in a perfectly melty Snickers bar.   
So finally after Frollo was done crushing some Chinese losers, he came upon the really Irish gpsy who was drinking lemonade! Lemonade was cool because it was yellow and yellow reminded Frodo of the time he went to Mcdonalds and got some Mcnuggets. Mcnuggets were cool because they were boot shaped, and that was cool because how do they do it? Suddently frolloz peed himself!   
“LIKE OMG!” screamed the Irish gpysy, really confused because Frollo peed himself and that was weird because he was a grown man. “Frito! YOU peed in my hair like what??”  
But Frito could not stop!! On and on his stream went, it was out of control! “I can’t stop!” Frolloz screamed mad and confused and afraid of things, it was like the river Ganghes was being created out of the hole where stand would of been, except instead of empyting his load he was creating a whole new world!   
Meanwhile in the hood, Fetus raced through the city streets in his cool sports car. Wearing a cool pair of sunglasses, Fetus looked like that creepy baby in the Playstation 3 ad. Fetus often modled his fastion choices after commericals, one time he dressed like toucan sam and only ate Fruit loops for three years. His all fruit loop vegan diet resulted in several cavities and he even lost his testicles, but that was okay because he was a fag and fags don’t need testicles for sex.   
“Man I’m an ass!” Fetus thought to myself, ashamed of ditching Frollo like a loser at prom. “We were supposed to go to Utah, but that is too much pressure for a fag such as myself! Those mormans would skin me alive!” And Fetus shivered, imaging himself skinned like two barbeque chickens in the KFC freezer. Imaging himself as food made his tumble rumbles, and in the distance, shining like a hooters girl taking my order, stood a Dunkin’ Donuts. Fetus got a twinke in his eye.  
“Thank heaven for Dunkin’ at eleven lol!” and fetus looked at the time, surprised it was actually eleven am, Fetus declared himself a mortal genus at that moment, and drove for the Dunkin so fast, picturing clearly in his mind that rich, premium coffee, he was gonna fuck it up. Fetus pulled into the drive through and ordered a coffee and fries, not even bothering to order a donut because it reminded him too much of sexy time him and frollolloolo and made his dick shrivel up, like a neglected grape. And Fetus did not want his dick to shrivel up again because it would require using a summoning spell to access the healing potion deep in the really IRish gpsys living room and since fetus did not want to go through all that annoying shit, it was better just to ignore his dick and hope it didn’t fall off again and turn into dist like what happened in preschool. But Fetus did not want to talk aboit that.  
All of the sudden...A PISS WAVE APPERED!  
Flying down the new york city traffic like an out of control squid, the piss wave tsunami ravaged destruction on the city like godzilla on his period, excepppt instead of being on his period he was pregnatn and upset to be fat because Ghidora didn’t find him attractive anymore, attached to the piss wave was...Frollo! The piss wave was coming out of his empty stan hole!  
“OMG FROLLO?” Fetus screamed, surprised, because he was creating a piss tsunami and that was unusual. “What is going on here lol??”  
“Oh hey fetus long time no see lol.” Frollo said, surprisingly calm for being flung around by his own piss, like an elephant playing tug of war. “Well Idk, the whore was drinking lemonade and then this happened lol, also Stan is still missing is that duniun’ in your hands?”   
“Oh yeah lol” And fetus blushed, embarrassed because coffee was brown and looked like poopy.  
But before Fetus could even think his coffee was snatched out of his hands! Frollo chugged the coffee so fast it was like Sonic the Edgehog drinking coffee but instead of sonic it was Knuckles because knuckles was funnier. All of the sudden the piss wave grew larger!  
“WHAT IS GOING ON LOL??” Fetus screamed, angry, confused and sad because his coffee was gone and now being thrown around on to people like confetti at a birthday party.  
“I can’t stop!” Frollo screamed, tears pouring down his feces. “FETUS! YOU MUST GET TO SAFETLY LOL!! YOU COULD DROWN!”  
“No” Fetus replied, “I know what I must do.”  
WIthout another word, Fetus took out his dick.


End file.
